dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
