R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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