I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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