I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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