I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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