You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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