apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
