i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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