and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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