I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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