omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
