I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
