She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
