before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My butt remains clenched, sir.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
