Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
