How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your cock deserves a montage
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
