so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
