I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
