Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
