it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I could fuck to npr.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
