Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
