google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
