No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
