All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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