I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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