I want to make a zoo with you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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