Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
