I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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