Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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