I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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