Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
