The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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