I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
