I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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