i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
