i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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