So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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