clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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