just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
