i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle