Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
