Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?