he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
