i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
