I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
