also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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