girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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