I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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