Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
