omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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