I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
