I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
