everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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