The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize