Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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