My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So drunk its hurt
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
