My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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