Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Damn victory sex feels great
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
