I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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