saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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