I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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