I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
