LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize