idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My pussy is not your playground.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
