you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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