just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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