The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
