guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
