oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just gargled with NyQuil
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