I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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