If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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