So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
