chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
