If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
