I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
