She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I believe in your delicious
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