i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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