The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
