I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
