Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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