SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
where are you?
Hypothermia
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
