I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
